Having had a few of what-I-call Crap Moments last week, I was delighted beyond measure to be surprised by a peacock sighting! In my experience, spotting a random peacock equals a cosmic wink, that something beautiful is going to happen.
The following story took place a few years ago, as a recall of a very auspicious peacock sighting that had happened a longer while back. I’d written the story as a dialogue for another piece, and I like it, so I’m sharing it with you in that style.
My friend Sandrina came to spend the day at my home to make tamales together. Little Renata had stayed with me that previous weekend. At that hour my precious little love stayed with me regularly and filled my life with more joy that I had ever imagined possible.
(And just so you know, the Antoine in this story, is Renata’s daddy and long-time friend of mine. And this is mostly me, talking in the story.)
When Renata had left the other day, we’d forgotten to pack her shoes in her little weekend backpack. Sandrina noticed this right away.
“It’s very cute the way her little shoes are next to yours in the hallway.”
“She puts her shoes there by herself, she thinks that’s what we do here. I love it.”
As we handcrafted our tamales that morning, I think the topic of peacocks came up for some reason. A story came to mind that I’d actually never told anyone, and I told Sandrina then.
“In 2008, I was having a really difficult time. Lisa and I had just started Melting Pot Tours, and money struggles for me were mounting. Antoine and I were house-mates and ready to kill each other. We couldn’t have a conversation without arguing furiously. I spent lots of hours crying, feeling really desperate and helpless.”
“The only hope I had was that my intuition just kept telling me everything would be OK, that this would all work out. I had to trust them on that.”
“Writing was one of my escapes. I used to walk up the hill once a week, to a favorite café where I could afford coffee and toast, with my journal. One morning I just sat there crying, at my usual window table, with my back to the room. A peacock walked by the window. It’s like it appeared just for me.”
“It meant something, but I didn’t know what. Later when I was speaking to a very wise friend, she told me something I’d never heard before or since.”
“She asked me if I had any idea how peacocks got their gorgeous feathers?”
“I said no, I did not. She said they ate thorns. She said that she imagined the peacock was a totem animal, calling me to understand that something incredibly beautiful is going to come from the pain I was feeling at that hour.”
“Thorns? I never knew that,” Sandrina said.
“Neither did I. But I knew that I was eating a lot of thorns at that hour,” I said, suddenly becoming very emotional. “And I had no idea, I couldn’t possibly imagine, what would be so gorgeous in my life one day, for having eaten all of those thorns.”
That’s when Sandrina reminded me, “And now her little shoes are next to yours.”
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